Hello Readers,
Becky here. Where to start?
A few months ago, Holly found a lump in her breast. She went to the doctor who then sent her off for a mammogram and ultrasound, in which we found another lump in her other breast. They biopsied both lumps and gave us results a few days later. This gave us a big scare and had us both planning the next steps, just in case. Thankfully, they turned out to both be benign cysts. We both felt relieved at the news and started to re-evaluate things in our lives. Are we really where we want to be in life? Doing what we want? Living how we want?
This lead us to the topic of trying to conceive again. It has been a constant conversation with Holly and I as to whether we want to continue or not.
A few months before the lumps were found in Holly’s breast, Holly and I had some troubles in our relationship. I won’t go into details here, but I will say that we have been working out our troubles and becoming a stronger couple because of it. But because of our troubles, we again began to question the whole trying to conceive topic.
For us, trying to conceive was so difficult. It carried with it hurt, regret, false hopes, and disappointment. I believe this was a big strain in our relationship. Even though Holly and I held strong, it still took a huge toll on us as a couple and as individuals. It amazes me that women can continue to go through this process month after month. Taking a gamble when there is less than a 5% chance of pregnancy. Oprah was right – becoming a parent is the ultimate sacrifice.
So this brings me back to my questions – Am I where I want to be in life?
I look over to my wife, Holly, and I know that I am but I feel like I may be missing out on something wonderful by not having a child. I question if I feel that way because of society.
Try to follow me on this one…
Society dictates that when we grow up we get married and have kids. I did the married thing so it seems the next step would be to have kids, right?
I think this is where my feeling of “missing out” is coming from. I’m still unsure on this one.
So all of that said – are we actively trying to conceive? Not right now. Will we in the near future? Not too sure of that. I will say though, we are happy…. very happy. 
Stiney Said:
on August 19, 2011 at 11:08 am
Becky, I’m glad Holly is ok. Breast cancer is a scary assed thing and I’m glad she got the all clear.
We were TTC last year before E was diagnosed with Breast cancer and I have never been so thankful that we didn’t end up pregnant because it’s been one hell of a hard year. But yeah going through something like that will def change your thinking for sure.
Good to hear from you!!
8thdayplanner Said:
on August 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
So happy to hear the happy health news.
I did not want children but my partner did. We had two wonderful daughters. They have been the biggest joy of my life and have made me grow in so many ways.
That being said, there are two things that come to mind. One is that nothing outside of you can make you happy – not a loving partner, not kids, not anything other than you.
The second is that there are many roads to contentment and no one way is right for everyone. If I didn’t have children there would have been other things that filled that space, other things that brought joy, other things that would have forced me to grow.
Personally, I would not put too much emphasis on conceiving. Being pregnant is such a miniscule part of being a parent. And there are many, many options today to be able to have children be a part of your life.
Good luck with your journey. Nice to see you back here.
schroedinger Said:
on August 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
Glad you are back. Glad Holly’s health is ok. Most of all, glad you are happy. Whatever you choose, happiness is the key. Hugs!! And welcome back– I missed you!
prettyisa Said:
on August 19, 2011 at 12:24 pm
So glad to hear that the lumps were benign! And that the two of you are working together to find your happiness. I think that having kids is one way to find meaning in your life, but there are certainly plenty of others, and even plenty of ways to have children be a part of your life without having to have them be a part of your family. Good luck deciding what it is that you both truly want and what will make you feel fuflilled!
Baby Mama, Too... Said:
on August 19, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Glad to hear that everything was ultimately OK with Holly. Cancer is some scary stuff! It is good to hear from you again, it has been too long!
Kaitlin Said:
on August 19, 2011 at 1:00 pm
First, I’m so happy to hear about a clean bill of health!
Second, I’m glad you’re both happy. That’s the ultimate quest, isn’t it? Enjoy it!
Heidi Said:
on August 21, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Glad to hear everyone is well! Radio silence is concerning for someone usually posts a few times a week!
You two have such a strong bond and I am sure you will figure what will work best for the two of you together.
Kathryn Said:
on September 17, 2011 at 10:39 am
We had a similar scare when I was 23. Freaky times to be sure! Glad to hear both were benign! Glad to hear also that you guys are working together and happy!!!