Change can be a good thing and often times can be scary. When I was laid off from my job in 2008 I was terrified of change. I didn’t know what would happen next. Looking back on it, being laid opened doors to new opportunities and now I’m extremely happy with my career.
What happens when change begins to happen from within? I’ve noticed a lot of changes within myself over the last few months. My body is changing shape, my self-esteem is changing, my way of thinking is changing, and my confidence is changing. As the weight comes off, I’m dealing with my emotional demons. Stuff that I never knew existed has moved to the surface. One of them being my ability to push away anyone who has ever loved me. I did this all my life without realizing it. The few people in my life that I have loved ended up disappointing and hurting me in some way, so to avoid the hurt and disappointment, I push them away before they have a chance to hurt me. Makes sense, right? Not really.
I’m working at confronting these issues head-on and working through them. These changes are a bit scary, not just for me, but for Holly as well. To her, I’m unstable right now. I’m changing into a woman she doesn’t recognize. Our challenge is to work through this together, one day at a time. The lines of communication have remained open and we have been forced to talk about our feelings; even the most difficult feelings.
I am changing, this much is true, but my love for Holly has never wavered. It has only grown and as I grow into this new woman, my love for her intensifies.
I wonder if others who have lost a lot of weight have dealt with the same changes in their life? I also wonder if this is just a part of growing up – a way of maturing? Whatever the case, I’m ready for the change that lies ahead.
